We will continue to look at our simple life lessons in Robert Fulghum's book "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten."  And how these lessons are relevant in the process of divorce.

Divorce is a complex and emotionally charged process, often filled with tension, anger, and frustration.

Not new. 

"Don't hit people!" - Have you ever said this to your child? 

"Don't hit me"; "Don't hit the children." - Have you ever had to say this in your marriage?

"Don't hit people" first makes us think of physical violence. It also serves as a broader guideline against all forms of harm. Emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical violence, if not more so. 

Physical violence in marriage or divorce is an unacceptable means of controlling behavior or resolving disputes. Such aggression, particularly during heated arguments, can lead to devastating consequences for everyone involved, notably children. 

Recognizing abusive behaviors can be challenging, especially as it often depends on the abuser's concealing skills. Covert actions and gaslighting are just a couple of examples of such tactics. 

However, it's crucial to understand that resorting to physical violence is never a solution and thus highlighting the significance of non-violence in navigating complex life transitions like divorce. While emotions can run high during this process, management of these emotions remains paramount and you are in control of how you show up and navigate your divorce. 

Quite simply: 

Don't hit people with words.

Don't hit people with sarcasm.

Don't hit people with passive-aggressive tendencies.

Don't hit people with covert behavior. 

Don't hit people with a web of lies.

You might be pleasantly surprised at how much you can "control" and create a ripple of lowering the temperature of those around you. These strategies can be learned.

Your physical safety is of utmost importance. Creating a plan to have access to a safe space is essential. Knowing yourself and your triggers is also beneficial so you can choose something different rather than getting spun into the dance of violence.

I want to emphasize the need for non-violent conflict resolution methods. There are options to create safety and strategies to keep yourself in check.

What actions and choices can we make?

Develop a solid plan.

Ensure the safety of your children.

Acquire skills to protect yourself.

Put into practice the skills you've acquired.

Continuously hone these skills until they become second nature and easily accessible.

Remember, "Don't hit people" also encompasses seeking assistance when your emotions overwhelm you. It's essential to reach out and seek the support you require, regardless of whether you're dealing with hitting or experiencing it from others.

Strive for peace, even if it starts within your own mind and body.

** This blog serves as an informative resource and does not constitute an endorsement of any specific options mentioned. It should not be considered a substitute for seeking medical or mental health assistance. If you require guidance for your particular situation, please contact your healthcare or mental healthcare provider. In case of emergencies or if you do not have a healthcare provider, please dial 911 or visit the nearest emergency room to ensure your safety and well-being.